HANDLING TEENAGERS

 

Now that you’re raising a teenage child, the demands on your time and energy are different from when your child was younger. Friends and peers will become more important to your child in these changing years, but this doesn’t mean you’re less important. You still play a big role in your child’s life – and strong relationships with both family and friends are vital for your child’s healthy social and emotional development

Being a parent to teenagers can be a challenging, worrying and sometimes distressing time. While teenagers are pushing against the system in their search for independence, as parents you can feel rejected, criticised and confused. The home can become a battleground with constant power battles and high emotion.

The average teenager's body is changing at an alarming rate, as hormones shift and surge, the body, brain and emotions are on a permanent rollercoaster.

The extremes of emotion that teens go through are also partly due to hormones. Boys are coming to terms with large quantities of testosterone surging through their bodies while girls have to cope with the mood swings that accompany oestrogen.

The psychological goal of adolescence is to become independent from parents and establish their own identity and place within society. This involves building their own friendships and controlling their own emotional responses. Making their own decisions and moral choices based on consequences and conscience rather than fear of punishment. Developing their own beliefs and plans for the future.

It is an exciting time for teenagers, but also a very scary and challenging one. A time when the support and encouragement of parents is essential to their successful transition into adulthood.

Separate the behaviour from the person. Remember all their good qualities and try not to be overpowered by what you don’t like about their behaviour right now. Your teenager may be behaving badly but that doesn’t make them a bad person.

Set clear and consistent boundaries which also respect their boundaries to help them to foster their own sense of security whilst in inner turmoil. Be ready to discuss the rationale behind your behaviour and your rules. Remember that they're learning from you how to be and think like an adult.

Be prepared to manage the conflict and arguments, repair your relationship with your teen and move on. If you don’t find a way to let go of past resentments they won’t either. Small disagreements soon build into huge arguments leaving you both wondering what happened.